The quality of our relationships is the measure of our Christian authenticity. Relatability to groups as well as to individuals is the key to communicating the Gospel in this or any age. The following ten guidelines may help you to experience creative relationships with the people around you.

(1) Be real. Jesus came to live in us so that we might become the unique persons He created us to be. Don't try to be like any other Christian or even like Jesus. Don't try to be "spiritual." The Holy Spirit acting in the New Testament is not very spiritual, as we interpret the word today. Confronting Peter in prison, the angel of the Lord says, "Get up! Put on your shoes and belt. Follow me." This is angel talk!

(2) Identify with people. This is the Incarnation principle. Jesus came to earth to be one of us totally. He commands us to be one with people, to open our lives enough to let people know that we hurt and hope and feel in the same way they do.

(3) Listen to people. This is what love is all about. The ministry of listening is rare. Try to remember the last time somebody drew you out, asked you questions and listened intently. Where there can be an exchange of ideas, feelings and hurts, we feel God's love through the other person.

(4) Affirm people. How often we act like John the Baptist with those around us. We teach, correct, point out faults and bring down wrath. But Jesus had a very different style. He believed in people, affirmed them, called fishermen to be apostles, loved prostitutes, Pharisees and Samaritans. People found hope because of their relationship to Jesus.

(5) Share decision-making. We honor other people when we let them in on planning, whether we're making plans for our family, our church or the world. Include those involved in setting goals and determining strategy.

(6) Don't try to change people. Who are the people who helped you most in a crucial situation? It was probably not the advice-givers. When we give advice, we put ourselves in a superior position. To press for change, however subtly, indicates that the person is unacceptable as he/she is.

(7) Love specifically. Love one person at a time and love that person in specific ways. We bog down when we try to love everybody instead of taking on a few as our particular mission. The whole Kingdom of God came about because Jesus spent three years in deep relationship with twelve men.

(8) Ask for help. Be willing to receive from other people. This aspect of "Jesus style" characterizes most good leadership today. Jesus asked people for food, water, help and companionship. If we are willing to ask for help, we can launch into new areas of ministry where we have no expertise.

(9) Love in terms meaningful to the other person. Give what is wanted, not what you enjoy giving. Does the person you are trying to love want the kind of help you find it so satisfying to provide? What must you do to convey unmistakably to that person that he/she is loved and cared for by you?

(10) Don't play it safe. Any meaningful relationship requires a high degree of vulnerability. There is risk in loving...the risk of being laughed at, misunderstood and rejected. To love deeply means that there will be hurt and conflict. There is no esoteric life in the Spirit which will prevent this. But Christ is with us and we can find God's answers.